At a Senate Armed Services Committee meeting on Thursday, Senator and former presidential candidate John McCain (R-AZ) called a recent study that found a majority of US troops were unopposed to the repeal of the military's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy "flawed," and expressed his concern that it lacked the homophobia he expected.

"With all due respect to [Secretary of Defense] Robert Gates, this report is wholly inadequate," said McCain. "First of all, it only takes into account the responses of some 115,000 troops. And second, there are absolutely zero accounts of openly gay soldiers sitting across from me in the mess hall, licking a spoon and undressing me with their eyes."

"That's certainly the kind of thing I'd be interested in reading about," added McCain, sweating.

Following the release of the Pentagon's report, both Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Adm. Mike Mullen have recommended that Congress repeal the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. Many members of the GOP have moved to block a vote on DADT, despite previous contentions that their main opposition to ending the policy was a lack of study.

Scott Brown (R-MA) echoed McCain's concerns about the study's response rate, opposition from those in the marine corps, and the lack of graphic descriptions of gay soldiers forcing their straight comrades to engage in sudsy splash-fights in military showers.

"Doesn't this make anybody else uncomfortable?" said Brown. "The thought of somebody you've never met, in a combat zone you're not fighting in, doing something he's unlikely to do, just because he happens to like guys?"

Senate Republicans have vowed to prevent a vote on the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell until the Pentagon completes another study, this time with at least a 100% response rate and illustrations.

"My primary concern," said McCain, "is for the men and women serving in our military. Don't Ask Don't Tell works. The military is at its highest point in recruitment, in retention, in professionalism, and in capability, and I don't think we can afford to risk that." Added McCain: "Not with something that gives me the heebie-jeebies."

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  snaps

  From deartheonion 2 years, 4 months ago
  Hilarious.